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"So, clearly the country [is] turning out to be, uh, exactly like this dream I had. Where I woke up crying." - Jon Stewart
I feel strangely embarrassed that I allowed myself to become so invested in the results of this foreign election (with all the sense of pronounced impotence that entails, no less). In about the week leading up to it, I began to realize that I hadn't really made emotional provisions for a Kerry loss*. All night, the night itself, my torso felt tight and nervous; I gorged myself anxiously on leftover Hallowe'en sweets (of which there are plenty, since children seem instinctively repulsed by my house), and walked into walls and furniture to a disproportionate degree, and ranted nervous semicoherent nervousness at Rachel, who, being she, was very nice about the whole thing, especially as I suspect that her political sympathies were not entirely in step with mine in this matter.
And... I guess that didn't work out.
(*Unlike the majority of disappointed people I've heard from, I felt like I was hoping for John Kerry's victory as much as for Bush's defeat. I've actually found myself quite liking and inclined to respect the man, which quite startled me initially, as I didn't expect to; but I felt like his Presidency might pleasantly surprise a lot of people. When I conceived this entry, I thought I might describe this aspect at some greater length, but I don't think I have it in me.
There was a certain impulse to phrase that, "my vote for Kerry was not just a vote against Bush", but of course, I didn't actually have a vote, which raises the interesting point that perhaps my hopes and opinions about this election weren't really as important as some other people's. Even though the US President is often styled, "the leader of the free world", it's difficult for me to argue that an American is wrong who isn't inclined to care about those polls that suggest 80% or so of the rest of the world's population would have preferred to have their President out of office; after all, very likely, that American would rather live in America than in any of the places with those public opinions, and most of the rest of us would like to stay where we are, too (one day, I'll aside, my feelings about patriotism and nations will be developed enough that I'll start describing them directly). Still, on the occasion lately when I've seen someone say that they didn't care for any candidate and would not be voting, it's easy to wish that there were some way they would let me vote instead.)
I'm surprised at how genuinely unhappy I feel, unhappy and small, even though I've been trying to warn myself that I may be setting myself up to feel this way; it's been quietly underlying everything I've done today (except for a few hours lost and forgetful in a good story, coming out of which I noticed it the most). It did help, even though I complained about it ("It won't let me give up hope!"), that the results have revealed themselves this gradually instead of in one swift cut, so that I might come to some terms with it by gentle increments; I think this has something to do with why I didn't actually burst into tears, which I'd worried that I might.
I'm feeling unsure about posting on this (though not as much as I was when I began it, mostly because I've since become much more tired; this has probably also made me more disjointed); I imagine there is somebody out there - and probably not very far out there - who will sneer, or smirk, or roll their eyes. Even though I enjoy talking and thinking about politics, because I enjoy talking and thinking in general about systems of ethics and how they hang together and are handled in application, I tend to shy away from political debate, and quickly become miserable with it if there's the slightest hint of acrimony; it seems in political discussions substantially both easier to earn someone's contempt and more difficult to convince myself that it isn't justified. I imagine that some of those who are reading this are at this point pretty surprised to discover what my views are (though perhaps not; they don't seem that difficult to infer). But I wanted to talk about the emotional effect this is having on me, and have it be a post about the way I'm feeling about this without it seeming angry at, or provoking anger in, those whose feelings are more positive, and perhaps I've succeeded in that.
(Man, it really does change the whole way you think about posting something when there's the capacity for direct comment.)
One of the things I told myself was that once Kerry was President, I could politically relax for a while. Even though he isn't, I think I'm going to have to take a break from paying attention to American politics for at least a time; I'm afraid it's having a deleterious effect on my writing style.
A nice thing: Oregon, Michigan and Wisconsin all voted predominantly for Kerry. Thank you for trying, states that I am fond of because I primarily associate them with the good friends who live there. And now (...oh, the clouds and the mist and the city are doing the most magnificent pink thing with the dawn), I'll go to sleep.
I feel strangely embarrassed that I allowed myself to become so invested in the results of this foreign election (with all the sense of pronounced impotence that entails, no less). In about the week leading up to it, I began to realize that I hadn't really made emotional provisions for a Kerry loss*. All night, the night itself, my torso felt tight and nervous; I gorged myself anxiously on leftover Hallowe'en sweets (of which there are plenty, since children seem instinctively repulsed by my house), and walked into walls and furniture to a disproportionate degree, and ranted nervous semicoherent nervousness at Rachel, who, being she, was very nice about the whole thing, especially as I suspect that her political sympathies were not entirely in step with mine in this matter.
And... I guess that didn't work out.
(*Unlike the majority of disappointed people I've heard from, I felt like I was hoping for John Kerry's victory as much as for Bush's defeat. I've actually found myself quite liking and inclined to respect the man, which quite startled me initially, as I didn't expect to; but I felt like his Presidency might pleasantly surprise a lot of people. When I conceived this entry, I thought I might describe this aspect at some greater length, but I don't think I have it in me.
There was a certain impulse to phrase that, "my vote for Kerry was not just a vote against Bush", but of course, I didn't actually have a vote, which raises the interesting point that perhaps my hopes and opinions about this election weren't really as important as some other people's. Even though the US President is often styled, "the leader of the free world", it's difficult for me to argue that an American is wrong who isn't inclined to care about those polls that suggest 80% or so of the rest of the world's population would have preferred to have their President out of office; after all, very likely, that American would rather live in America than in any of the places with those public opinions, and most of the rest of us would like to stay where we are, too (one day, I'll aside, my feelings about patriotism and nations will be developed enough that I'll start describing them directly). Still, on the occasion lately when I've seen someone say that they didn't care for any candidate and would not be voting, it's easy to wish that there were some way they would let me vote instead.)
I'm surprised at how genuinely unhappy I feel, unhappy and small, even though I've been trying to warn myself that I may be setting myself up to feel this way; it's been quietly underlying everything I've done today (except for a few hours lost and forgetful in a good story, coming out of which I noticed it the most). It did help, even though I complained about it ("It won't let me give up hope!"), that the results have revealed themselves this gradually instead of in one swift cut, so that I might come to some terms with it by gentle increments; I think this has something to do with why I didn't actually burst into tears, which I'd worried that I might.
I'm feeling unsure about posting on this (though not as much as I was when I began it, mostly because I've since become much more tired; this has probably also made me more disjointed); I imagine there is somebody out there - and probably not very far out there - who will sneer, or smirk, or roll their eyes. Even though I enjoy talking and thinking about politics, because I enjoy talking and thinking in general about systems of ethics and how they hang together and are handled in application, I tend to shy away from political debate, and quickly become miserable with it if there's the slightest hint of acrimony; it seems in political discussions substantially both easier to earn someone's contempt and more difficult to convince myself that it isn't justified. I imagine that some of those who are reading this are at this point pretty surprised to discover what my views are (though perhaps not; they don't seem that difficult to infer). But I wanted to talk about the emotional effect this is having on me, and have it be a post about the way I'm feeling about this without it seeming angry at, or provoking anger in, those whose feelings are more positive, and perhaps I've succeeded in that.
(Man, it really does change the whole way you think about posting something when there's the capacity for direct comment.)
One of the things I told myself was that once Kerry was President, I could politically relax for a while. Even though he isn't, I think I'm going to have to take a break from paying attention to American politics for at least a time; I'm afraid it's having a deleterious effect on my writing style.
A nice thing: Oregon, Michigan and Wisconsin all voted predominantly for Kerry. Thank you for trying, states that I am fond of because I primarily associate them with the good friends who live there. And now (...oh, the clouds and the mist and the city are doing the most magnificent pink thing with the dawn), I'll go to sleep.
